Here’s something that I can’t explain — sex after marriage.
This has been bugging the crap out of me lately. Not because of the shoulds and shouldn’ts. Not because those who wait should be applauded or esteemed. Not because those who have had sex should be condemned. Nothing like that. Who among us is without sin? It bugs me because I can’t really reason why, can’t really prove why there is only one good choice out of the two. People have sex and have awesome relationships, get married, and still have awesome relationships — all the time. Believers and non-believers alike.
So what I hear is that when you have pre-marital sex, you’re being intimate with someone physically before you even know where the relationship is really going. And in the unfortunate case the relationship doesn’t work out, you carry baggage and hurt into the next relationship. You get deep, emotional scars that are hard to pinpoint. Been there, done that. For guys, sex could be the unintentional driving force that holds the relationship together. For girls, sex could be a bandage that covers emotional emptiness. Et cetera. All of these different Sunday-sermon-approved reasons.
That line of thinking makes sense, but I don’t see that happening all the time. The repercussions of pre-marital sex are subtle. Sometimes, it’s hard to even see it as a problem. I see relationships evolve. I see boyfriends who love having conversations with their ladies and aren’t just in it for the booty. I see couples that are able to talk through emotional baggage and make it out like fist-pumping champs. So, I can’t explain this one choice.
And if I have to be completely honest (and this is not to be suggestive of anything!), there are times that I feel a pang of envy knowing couples that have it all and didn’t have to wait. Envy and insecurity, I suppose, because I’ll start to think that the Fiance must not love me as much, or he must not be attracted to me. I think what I don’t want to think, but the Fiance is so strong and self-controlled and so in love with the Jesus that I know my thoughts are unfounded and full of ridiculosity.
All I know is that I believe in God’s sovereignty. I know that God has a plan for us, and I trust that his plans are good because he is good. And I know that where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. There must be freedom in God’s good plans, his plan for a man and woman to become one flesh after making a covenant before the Lord. There must be incomparable freedom and unsurpassable joy in his good plans. Even if I can’t explain it. Why settle for anything less than that.